Chapter One
Part Five
Idea #5 – Adult-centered Orientation. The core of the family
is the relationship between the adults. Even the great religions teach this
idea that children are not the center of the families’ universe, rather the
parents are the center and the children are a welcome and well-loved addition
to this primary core. When the core is not healthy and maintained regularly,
everything else suffers. Children are additive to our lives, not replacements
for our lives! Therefore, we the parents will live the way we the parents want
to experience our adulthoods and our children will adapt and thrive from
positive models or they will perish from negative ones. That simple. Just be. Just
ride the roller coaster of life. Oh, and strap the kids on for the ride for as
long as they willingly come along because that’s where they experience the
models.
Idea #6 – Low-tech Living. This one isn’t new to my
parenting style, in fact none of these ideas are entirely new, without already
having had impact on Eva, but I am ready to take it to the next level. So what
does this mean? No television. No video games. No smartphone addictions. No
social media. Minimally required internet and telephone use. Sometimes it means
getting lost on the way to a new friends’ house, but asking a neighbor in the
area who is able to help. Sometimes it means, eek, BOREDOM, for an entire
afternoon where you find yourself absentmindedly (we now call this meditation)
staring at blades of grass up close. Sometimes it means having to ask yourself,
“who would I really love to share this experience with?” and picking one person
to call or go spend the morning with over a cup of coffee. It means attending
to the here and now. It means inconvenience and authenticity. It means feeling
real and free and irritated and happy, all as part of the package of daily
living. It means the opposite of the numbing effect of media and over exposure
to information. I’m in.
Idea #7 – Creativity. This seems to be a basic human need
for a sense of fulfillment and happiness. We need to feel our “work” or
whatever we do all day is meaningful in that it contributes to a greater cause.
That it helps to express who we really are and what we have to offer. Does that
mean every happy person must have a creative endeavor like painting, music,
writing, or drawing? No, because that is a very narrow view of creativity.
Creativity can mean any expression of the self that allows for a full throttle
release of whatever that mysterious stuff is inside of us. You know, the stuff
that isn’t really based in our minds or our intellect. It’s that stuff that
bubbles up within us that feels a bit silly or irrational. But when we flow
with it, it feels blissful and all-absorbing. For Stephen, it’s when he’s
playing music…specifically the piano lately, but also when he’s programming. So
it can be any activity, just so long that it feels satisfying and meaningful to
the doer. So this parenting idea is to really nurture this part of myself and
my children. To let it flow. Mine is writing. And that idea has led to this
blog.
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