Chapter Seven: Patriot

Chapter Seven

This is what I have tried to teach my daughter. When we are full of love, we feel empowered within ourselves…nothing to prove, clear, confident, calm. When we are full of fear, we feel powerless within and seek external power. To gain that power, we will take all manner of desperate actions…some that result in permanent damage to ourselves, our environment and/or other people. Rape is an act of fear. Greed is an act of fear. Physical assault is an act of fear. Hatred is an expression of fear.  Violence is an act of fear. Belittling others is an act of fear. Avoidance is an act of fear. Jealousy is an act of fear. And so on. What counteracts fear? Love. First self-love, then love extended outward.
What breeds fear? The unknown, the misunderstood, the conditioning of behavior by society and parents. What breeds love? Love. Acceptance. Faith. Seeking to understand. Feeling connected. Shared experiences.

The presidential election of 2016 has shaken me. My first thought in the face of the shocking result when I awoke on November 9^th was, “What the hell am I going to say to my daughter?” I’ve taught her values that have just been disregarded nationally. My first words to her were, “Honey, I’m so so sorry.” To which she said, “For what, Mom, it wasn’t your fault.” But it is. In part, at least, I feel sure that I have been contributing to the collective liberal disdain for our country’s flaws. I don’t own an American flag. I fantasize about moving to Europe. I complain about our American culture’s lack of a sensible approach to food, transportation, the environment, parenting, education, housing, homelessness, crime and especially health. I live my life embracing a different way of approaching these aspects of culture. I don’t own a television, eat at franchise restaurants, shop at big box stores, follow football, use a car…the last time I spoke the word “Patriot” was in the ninth grade when I cheered for my high school, whose mascot was the patriot. That was almost 30 years ago.

So I looked it up. What does it mean, anyway? Patriot is defined as

1. a person who loves, supports, and defends his or her country and its interests with devotion.
2. a person who regards himself or herself as a defender, especially of individual rights, against presumed interference by the federal government.
3. (initial capital letter) Military. a U.S. Army antiaircraft missile with a range of 37 miles (60 km) and a 200-pound (90 kg) warhead, launched from a tracked vehicle with radar and computer guidance and fire control.

I’ll admit, none of these definitions resonate or appeal to me. I feel that if the first one read, “a person who loves, supports, and defends his or her planet and its interests with devotion,” then my reaction would have been warmer. So I think that herein lies the problem, as I struggle to take my portion of personal responsibility for what has just happened in our country. I have not lived my life claiming, owning, loving my country. I have taken wonderful things for granted, while busy growing disgust for many elements of our culture that I find juvenile and ignorant. So what are the wonderful things?

Space, opportunity, freedom to be creative, freedom to speak my mind, freedom to grow, freedom to travel, freedom to work and learn and earn more money than my parents. Freedom. This is personally a huge value of mine. I am adamant in my life to feel unobstructed by barriers externally reinforced. So, why have I overlooked this positive element of our country, for example? Well, because my other values include food, transportation, the environment, parenting, housing and health. And no, I’m not going to pretend to be impressed with us in these areas. Yet, like a child to her parents, I feel an unmistakable connection to the country that birthed and raised me. If not, my reaction to this election would have been more neutral; I wouldn’t have really cared. But I do care.

So when my 7nth grader texted me before homeroom to ask if she would be punished for refusing to say the pledge of allegiance, I had to really think about my response. I answered that I don’t know what the school rules are on that, but that she should do what she feels and thinks is right. I also told her to consider that the United States of America does not equal Donald Trump, so that if it is Trump’s behavior that she wants to protest, rejecting our country would not be the answer. I said, “That’s YOUR flag, Eva, so you may want to think hard before giving it up so easily.”

And this is what brought me to tears. As usual, it is through mothering that my own needs, flaws and desires are revealed. I think that, unless or until I am ready, willing and able to set up life in a different country, I need to claim this one with more confidence and ownership. I need to find the patriot within me, my version, and march her right out into the light. I think if we liberals all waved the American flag with pride for our freedoms and gratitude for our opportunities, then those things would gain momentum and accelerate our progress. Maybe liberals are a bit too passive when it comes to practicing nationalism our way, which is by focusing on the positives so that those are the elements that grow.

May my daughter grow into a woman who is valued in her society for her brain, compassion, kindness, creativity and dedication to a meaningful life. May she see women earn positions of power and be rewarded appropriately for their efforts. May her boundaries always be respected. May she never be objectified or demeaned or abused. May she never be bullied. May she never be powerless, apathetic, or oppressed. May she always be able to walk tall and proud and help others on her journey.  May she proudly claim and love her country. May she be a patriot.